well you can't waste a boner
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
