That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize