she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
