Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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