I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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