you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
