dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
