I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
