I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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