dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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