Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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