I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
