He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
