Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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