Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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