things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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