Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
