She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
