i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
