i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
