The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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