Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
