My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
smell my finger.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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