1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They have beer where we have blood.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
