I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize