my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
