I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
did i walk over a car last night?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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