We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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