I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
