Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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