You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
