Say something about gay babies.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We're too hungover to prance.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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