the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
