Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
