it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can Purell be used as lube?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
