he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
