after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
