woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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