oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
