someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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