went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
