Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
