I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
