dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
