It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
