It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
