And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
