you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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