And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
