I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
