that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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