Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
