Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize