I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize