Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
