Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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