Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
