Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
