I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
