I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
