my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
