i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize