dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
