I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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