after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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