i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
