okay pat passed out under dana's car
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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