omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
