i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
