she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
