so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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