Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
