And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize