I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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