Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
