well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
