sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
