24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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