im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
