I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
