He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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