Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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