I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We had sex on a dog bed..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
