i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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