I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize