A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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