try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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