your parents love me but you hate me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize