Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
