i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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