sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
