If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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