If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
