so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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