Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
