Cold hands, warm shart.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
