I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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