and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
