Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
