remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
