Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
