My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
